pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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