the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize