i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
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My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
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Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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