6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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