I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
