cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
