Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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