My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
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I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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