he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
