I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
