Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
