Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Enjoy the penises
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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