im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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