Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
