he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize