This dress was meant to end up on your floor
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
