i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
