I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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