What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
