Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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