im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
