I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
