your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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