I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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