Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
