I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
