dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
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corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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