so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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