Don't make out with my wife yet
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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