Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
