Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So much Jack, so little girl.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
