Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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