no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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