ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
