Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
