woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Hippo gnu deer
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
