hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
