You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
