At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
