You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
