so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
