My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
