So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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