I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
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