It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
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we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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