Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
