I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This baby is an asshole
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
