that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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