I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
