I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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