i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
