I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
