yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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