Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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