Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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