I can text with my tongue
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
