Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
