no. you can't hotbox the world.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
