so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
