Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
