Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
