I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
