but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
