The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
