Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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