then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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