He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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