then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Boobs are out for the taking
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i now understand why vodka
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
