Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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