Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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