No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
