Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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