He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
